I watched a few videos from Sesame Street and Blue's Clues. Sometimes I need to remind myself that that is what I really want to do. Eventually, I imagine myself writing a book about the history of children's television from an artistic perspective. I can't wait for the days that I can research and interview people like Brian Henson and Steve Burns.
I'm not having a good week. In reality, I haven't had a very good start to the semester. I've been very stressed out, upset, and sick. I haven't felt like myself. I've already skipped a class. I want to take on the world but I can't do it on my own anymore. It's far too much to ask of me when I'm trying to build something else for myself, me. I'm starting groups and doing things that have more direction to where I want to go in my life and I'm so tired of doing bullshit things like making sure the posters are up by a certain time. I'm angry and have no motivation to do anything, including my thesis which is only my "foster baby" of the next year. I'm sick of things not getting done, that aren't my fault and then getting all the blame. I guess that's upper management. I don't like knowing things could be done more if I could get my head on straight, but I can't seem to. I am swimming, swimming. I don't like feeling like I'm doing a poor job. It's not Britta. It's not. I hate, hate not living up to expectations, especially my own.
I'm not having a good week. In reality, I haven't had a very good start to the semester. I've been very stressed out, upset, and sick. I haven't felt like myself. I've already skipped a class. I want to take on the world but I can't do it on my own anymore. It's far too much to ask of me when I'm trying to build something else for myself, me. I'm starting groups and doing things that have more direction to where I want to go in my life and I'm so tired of doing bullshit things like making sure the posters are up by a certain time. I'm angry and have no motivation to do anything, including my thesis which is only my "foster baby" of the next year. I'm sick of things not getting done, that aren't my fault and then getting all the blame. I guess that's upper management. I don't like knowing things could be done more if I could get my head on straight, but I can't seem to. I am swimming, swimming. I don't like feeling like I'm doing a poor job. It's not Britta. It's not. I hate, hate not living up to expectations, especially my own.
I'm constantly letting myself down and I don't know how to stop it.
I heard this song today, and almost started crying. I actually heard the phrase "It's going to be alright," several times today so I'm hoping it's a sign that it will be. I simply need to be patient.
I heard this song today, and almost started crying. I actually heard the phrase "It's going to be alright," several times today so I'm hoping it's a sign that it will be. I simply need to be patient.
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